A lot of the time people get into relationships that may last quite a long time and you run into that problem of, “oh man I don’t feel like me” or “I feel like I’m having an identity crisis.” This happens in relationships that are thriving and relationships that aren’t. The case may be that you’ve merged a lot of your life with your partner’s and now you feel like you are missing something in yourself. You may also be compromising a lot in your relationship and feel like you are losing yourself. Either way, you have to find a happy medium between spending time with your partner and spending time with yourself. I have come up with four steps that could possibly help you find that happy medium.
Let me just start by saying, relationships are hard! They can take a lot out of you and add just as much to you. They require a lot of work and time and you have to be willing to put that in. When you have outside factors of life kind of hitting you at one time (it may be a job, school, kids, bills, etc,) and you also have all that work you’re putting into your relationship, you tend to forget what is also important. If you don’t know that the important thing I’m talking about is you, then you have come to the right place.
Dating you is just as if not more important as dating someone you love. People always say if you can’t love yourself then you can’t love anybody else. Well, if you’re learning to love yourself after already loving someone else, it is even harder. It is not impossible though. All you have to do is take some time to yourself. Light a candle, if you like candles. Play some music while you are relaxing in your room or living room or wherever your happy place is. Take time to yourself for the sake of your sanity. Sometimes you just need some nights without another person around you.
Step two is treating yourself to the things you want and the things you want to do (as I like to say, “Treat yourself, don’t cheat yourself), even if it is just something small. When you have the money, take yourself out on a date or go get your nails and feet done. Appreciate yourself, especially if you feel like your partner hasn’t been doing that. Take care of yourself physically because that matters. You want to feel good about your outer appearance, but don’t forget about your insides. Make sure you are healthy. You can be any shape and size and still be unhealthy, so makes sure you are taking care of that aspect of yourself as well.
While you are making sure your insides and outsides are good, make sure you love those insides and outsides. You want to look in the mirror and smile about how you look and all it takes is some reassurance to yourself. So, reassurance is step three. Just like your significant other would tell you how beautiful or handsome you are, you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that too. You will never believe that your significant other believes you’re the most beautiful person in the world if you can’t believe it. I can’t tell you how many times I look in the mirror now and say how beautiful I am, because I believe that. If anybody would’ve told me that before now, I would most definitely tell them that that is a lie before my lord and savior himself. Now you have to believe that you are the most beautiful person in this entire universe, but you don’t need someone’s opinion of you to be your opinion of you.
Step four is to have your own life. That means go out with your friends and do stuff outside of your partner with other people. When your life is surrounded around what your partner is doing then you will literally have no life. Who wants that, right? Some suggestions I could make would be like a painting or pottery class, go to the mall and walk around, go to a coffee shop and people watch (that’s always fun), go to a concert, and find some new activity that you have never done (ex. Indoor sky-diving). You can even have a Netflix or Hulu movie night at your house with some friends. Just do something! Having a life sounds hard, but I promise you it is not.
Four steps aren’t that bad, huh? Well, I am glad you joined me in my rant on self-love and dating you. I hope it helps anyone who needs it and I hope you come back next week to read another post by yours truly! Have a blessed rest of your week my loves and good luck dating that beautiful person that you look at in the mirror every day!